“To shock youths into disarming there’s one choice: Prison”

“..we want Police where needed..”

Above or some quotes regarding the “epidemic” of stabbings in London. One which speak to my soul is the 1st one.

“Rapper Busta Rhymes is flying to Britain in a bid to end the spiralling knife and gun crime epidemic..”

How nice of Mr Rhymes to come save the UK in its time of dire need by single handedly ridding the the streets of crime and filth.

For some reason beyond me I believe Busta Bust was sent by the White House in a joint government conspiracy to rid the streets of teen stabbings, THEN eventually make the United Kingdom the 53rd state (after Iraq and Israel)

But on a serious note this whole stabbing things sucks. I think one of the reason the whole “shanking” epedemic stems from the US. The UK is the never 1st with anything. MTV? US, YouTube? US, KFC? US, kids stabbing kids, US?

One can blame media for the sensationalizing the situation and triggering copy cats.

But having spent my teenage years in London I believe one of the reasons why the situation with gun/knife crime in London is going to rise and worsen in the near future is due to the fact that there isnt a lot to do.

Fair enough there is school and college, but what about after that? Teens need an outlet. The lack of number of productive things to do as a teenager in inner city London is endless.

investment is needed in the development of youth centres where teenagers can go and actually DO something instead of spilling into the streets.

maybe im wrong?

just dont stab me.

now wheres Busta?

seriously, its hopeless.. i cant see why its so hard for me to get a job. i have combined a list on why i should be an excellent candidate for every job..ever.

1) I am skilled. in everything.

2) i have had dozens of jobs, which i have hardly any recollection of.

3) i am well groomed and i smell nice..always

4) I AM IN UNIVERSITY

5) I have good command of english.

6) I am tall.

But no, seriously. I should have so many offers right now . I have applied to approx 20-30 places since my departure from university, and how many replies? 1

Lady – May i speak to Mr. Wazasazme

Me- Speaking

Lady – I am calling from “…” about the position you applied for. I can gladly say we are delighted to offer you a position here at “…”

Me- Thanks

Lady – Few questions, do you have a FORKLIFT LICENSE?

Me- No

Bitch satan lady from the sewers of hell – *dead line*

FORKLIFT LICENSE??? Seriously who has one? what i need a license to drive something bob the builder drives in smurf city or where ever he lives?? come on..

i hate work, but i j’adore money.like seriously. money touches me in places no woman can. like it speaks to me in so many ways.the only reason i work is to have money so i can shower myself in fine perfume and designer clothing, but stupid places dont wanna hire students because their irresponsible and what not.

but its alright. if i was from like bradford and like 32 it would probably be more of a shitty situation. id like blame go on job seekers benefit….and like start reading the sun.

but one shall not give up. what do i care.

im the manager of liverpool football club

Me – “The sun has raped my skin mother”

30.03.2008

The above text epitomised the conversation I had with the woman who gave birth to me, after my arrival home from California. And there is no way I can blame here, the sun has literally made barbecue of my normally brown skin. But it was worth it… Ish.

America. It was going to be my 1st time visiting The Land of The Free and The Home of The Brave. My perception of the states had only come from over-saturation from various forms of media outlets.

So on the 19th of April my three amigos and I embark on our journey. Bags and fags in hand we breeze past our lovely and humane security officers at the gate.

Fast forwarding past 8 hours of bad oxygen, diabolical airplane food and shitty crying babies. We arrive in Detroit.

You know one of the unknown places you happen to hear about only when a nerdy loner decides to vent his frustration on his class mates with a little help from an ak-47?

Not having had a cancer stick for a few stressful hours, we arrive officially arrive to the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

Ok, now, security. Tiredly waltzing through the tacky 70′s style corridors we arrive at security. A barrage of booths are in front of us. One says “USA citizens and Diplomats”. The other politely something along the lines of “Aliens”. Honest to God. Aliens.

Anyways, I meet the gentleman at the desk. He checks my passport, asks me some questions, nothing special. Bit of chit chat and a stamp and im on my way. My dad, the 24 hour news channel watching man that he is warned me about the airport security in the states. What does he know? Mr. Lopez was a dignified gentleman, with perfect manners.

Well, what I didn’t know was that Mr. Lopez was the welcome guy so to speak, the guy who gives you that green thing. He was the pleasure before the pain, the concierge, the foreplay.

So we pick up our bags and walk towards the other security checkpoint. There is a man, with a nice shiny gun who asks us more questions. Stupid as they are, I answer with sincere and utter truth. And with a ‘i-think-you-might-be-a-cocaine-distributor’ look he sends me to the some special place.

The special place wasn’t so special. I doubt a terrorist would break surrounded by dusty carpets and burgundy wallpaper, but I am not a terrorist.

“Sir you have been specially selected by NWA Airlines for a thorough search, we promise to blah blah blah blah” – Fat Police Guy Man 20/03/08

Never in my life have I felt more criminal. Those glorified “border protectors” had a way of making you feel like you were in fact carrying a kilo of raw cocaine or/and a plastic bag of explosives. My father’s paranoia had struck me. “They’re gonna send me back, I knew I should have worn a tie” was one the many idiotic things going through my guilt ridden mind.

“Where am I going?”

“Why am i going?”

“What did your dad used to do?”

And I think they asked me “Who am I doing?” But that might of been idiotic-thing-going-through-my-mind #36

Finally they deemed me worthy to enter they country and I am yet put through more “security” measures. Being sprayed for hazardously chemicals was fun, followed by having to take my socks off after an 8 hour flight, whilst in the presence of a few tasty American females.

After that I was home free. Looking like a lost puppy I searched for my friends. Where could they be? I decide to follow the cloud of smoke coming from a loud shop at the other side of the terminal. I come closer and realize it’s not a shop, but a bar.

I enter and spot my friends. After the nerve racking experience of being mentally molested by border patrol or whatever they called themselves, nothing is more beautiful then being served 4 greasy burgers, as basket of chips and a liter glass of Coke.

Cigarette and burger in hand I can gladly say to myself Welcome to America.

The biggest reduction was in Havant, where the number decreased marginally from 1,695 incidents to 881, while other firefighter crews in Winchester, Bishop’s Waltham, Alresford, Sutton Scotney, Wickham and Droxford put out 390 fires last year, which is an improvement from 466 in the year before.

The improvement was believed to have been because of the 20,000 fire safety visits across Hampshire last year, chief fire officer John Bonney stated.

• Why does the UOW have a brand new £9 Million establishment the revolves around drunken nights, but a “health studio” the size of a West Downs kitchen?

VS

• Why are £1 pints at Drink The Bar Dry advertised and encouraged more than any of the many sports and social clubs?

• Why has there not been a time in lecture and/or seminar where someone hasn’t coughed their soul out?

• Why does Alwyn Hall smell of fungus juice?

Football’s main governing bodies were up in arms over the Spanish government’s request for the (Real Federación Española de Fútbol) RFEF to conduct its elections prior to the Beijing Olympics, as all non-competing Spanish sports organisations must do.

The RFEF, however, has previously operated with four-year terms of administration, with the next election correctly slated for November.

Spain refused to take the threat from FIFA and UEFA seriously, and they have now paid the ultimate price by being thrown out of Euro 2008.

“We warned the Spanish government very clearly, through their Sports Council (CSD), that if they continue to interfere in footballing affairs that they will have to recognise that their national team will be excluded from international tournaments,” explained FIFA President Sepp Blatter.

“They have deliberately and completely ignored our warnings and so we are left with no choice but to pull them out from Euro 2008.”

Spain’s place at Austria and Switzerland has been taken by England, who are the highest ranked nation who did not qualify for the tournament.

“Spain have been replaced by England, due to the fact that they are the highest ranked nation not in the Euros,” stated Blatter.

“The football community welcome Fabio Capello’s squad, and we hope they will grasp this second-chance with both hands.”

England will be in Group D, alongside European Champions Greece, Sweden, and Russia, who ironically pipped them to qualification originally.

The Three Lions’ first game of the tournament will in fact be against Russia at the Tivoli-Neu Stadion in Innsbruck on June 10.

England will be hoping for a repeat of Euro 92’, when Denmark were entered into the tournament late in the day after Yugoslavia had also been thrown out due to political reasons.

Denmark went on to win the tournament, beating Germany in the final in Gothenburg 2-0.

The news has been met by delight by former England manager Graham Taylor, who was in charge during Euro 92.

“I believe we will win Euro 2008 now,” said The Turnip.

“There is no team in that tournament who we should fear. You name me a team who boasts our talent. I am utterly convinced that we will return from Switzerland with the trophy.”

April Fools

Oil?

No

Cheeseburger?

No

Terrorist?

Bingo!
And the two biggest “terrorists” to the American People?

OSAMA bin Laden

Saddam HUSSEIN

Poor guy.

Good Luck

Figures released this year confirm that there have been five cases of the MRSA bloodstream infection at the Royal Hampshire County Hospital. Although a relatively small number compared to many other hospitals, Chief Executive Martin Wakely is committed to reducing the number even further.

Chief Executive Martin Wakeley said: “Reducing the risk of infection is a priority for us. Our aim is to improve the health of our patients and so we would like to get to a point where no infections at all are acquired in our hospitals.

MRSA stands for Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus Aureus, and is usually carried in patients throat, if exposed to a healthy patient, it can cause a mild infections, however the mildness of the infections dependant on an individual’s immune system.

However Mr Wakely remains optimistic about new developments at his NHS Trust, He says:

“I am really pleased to say that there have been some fantastic developments this year. These include a new and robust procedure for how we use and monitor the small tubes that allow introduction of fluids and medicine. We have also implemented a revised antibiotic policy and changed the cleaning chemicals we use to a bleach-based product.”

Fresh reports illustrate that the Hospital has had 12 cases of the virus during the 2007/2008 term.

I found the lecture quite nostalgic, due to my previous knowledge of studying the course at college. I am looking forward to challenging myself further in this module as I believe I did not reach my target grade last time around.

I bid you farewell for now and welcome back to Quango’s, Magna Carta and co.